me vs. the good ol boys club of hotdish hell, mn…

20 12 2010

Senator Bob Gunther(R) has been the incumbant representative for this area for over 18 years. His family has a lot of old money in town and in this area that to run against him is like trying to stop a freight train with a broom stick.

He has done wonders for the hog farmers in this area as every year our ground water is polluted by another hog lot that was allowed to go up. This county went from having sloughs to having fertile fields to having hog lots.

We have a picturesque downtown area that looks like something out of Norman Rockwell, but because Mr. Gunthers friends own land near the Interstate 90 corridor, all businesses have been moving out of the downtown area to the Interstate strip malls going up.

The first time Bob Gunther and myself met, i was working for the local newpaper. I had just read an article we printed regarding Bob Gunther’s approval for funding on a study which came to the conclusion that college educated people get better paying jobs than non-college educated people. Meeting him (it was an election year btw) i asked him if he was the one who had approved $3.5million on this study. He smiled proudly and said “yes, yes i did, i co-authored that funding”. i looked him in the eye and said “well, duh! you could have paid me $1.5million to tell you that!”

I was not allowed to talk to any visiting politicians who came into the news room after that incident.

The second time, i read a report from a different newspaper that he had been caught sending out a letter inviting lobbyists to a dinner he was holding. There were 3 different plates you could order. Depending on what plate you ordered, most expensive to least expensive, that would be how he addressed your issues. I found it funny and outrageous that this was not printed in the newspaper that his constituents and the people of his district, it was printed in a separate newspaper in a different district. I confronted both Gunther and the Publisher and i was “let go” by the newpaper and “ignored” by his office.

Now, the latest from voted in again Bob Gunther, in an article regarding the “Racino Bill” in which Native American casinos would be taxed to fund a stadium for the Minnesota Vikings, Bob Gunther said, “The new governor thinks Indians should pay taxes too,” Gunther said. “They’ve had a free ride long enough.”

To which my reply in an editorial is this: “”INDIANS?” are you serious. Hello, “representative” Gunther!! this is the 21st century. A free ride living on reservations that the american people put them in after they share the land and taught us to live on it?? YOU DO NOT represent me. You are exact proof that you get your position by who you know or who you are. great statement! Ignorance at it’s best! what’s next? Putting african americans back into slavery because we’ve let them be free for long enough? or how about women, we’ve let them have a voice in politics long enough, lets put back in the kitchen?”

So, if i end up missing in action, you will know why.

Here is a link to the actual article: Dateline HotDish Hell





an open letter to Nintendo Wii…

6 12 2010

Dear Nintendo/Wii folk,

Look, fuckos, as if I didn’t have a self-esteem problem to begin with…you guys gotta come up with another way to bring me the fuck down? I’m talking about your “Wii Fit Plus”, you bastards.

Like I need a Wii console to tell me I’m a fat fuck? To tell me I’m off balanced? To tell me that if I don’t lose weight soon, I’m going to have to be airlifted from my bedroom in order to go out of the house? Some pompous rat fuck (who is digitally enhanced by the way by some computer geek who sits on his ass all fucking day and is either a million pound elephant of some greasy pencil neck) telling me “your posture is bad.” And flirting with my 14 year old daughter “Una, it will be a pleasure to work out with you”. Put that bastard in the Wii boxing ring with me and I’ll give him a fuckin work out!!

To top all this off, you give me a Mii (that’s a Wii avatar) that represents me as a large round tub of lard! You got some fuckin nerve! To make it even WORSE, I paid you…I fucking PAID you…$116 motherfucking dollars to make me feel like a fat, unbalanced, lazy, out of shape, piece of fuck. IF I wanted that, I can get that from my ex or some of my “friends” and they do it for free!!

I know what this is, jackasses. This is retribution for selling my old Nintendo 64 and buying the SEGA Genisis back in the late 80’s isn’t it?? Yeah, well, in my book Sonic can kick Mario’s ass, toss Luigi’s salad, and leave a little something on Princess Peaches chin. SO BITE ME!!

Now you’ll excuse me, I’m off to try and beat my score in your skateboard arena!!! Jackoffs!!

Sincerely,

Bradley l.





lesson’s learned…

25 08 2010

i’ve realized a few things in the past week…

i’ve spent the last 20+ years trying to be a better man than my father. trying to make up all the things he never brought to the table as a husband and as a father.

i’ve spent the last 10+ years trying to be a better man than my kid’s real father. trying to make up for all of his mistakes. trying to be top dog on the father of the year list.

i’ve spent my entire dating/relationship life trying to outdo former lovers, husbands, boyfriends of every woman i’ve been with. i’ve spent way more energy than the other person is willing to give back. one-way relationships is what i’ve always been in.

i have no one to blame but myself. because i am a good man. i am a good father. i was always out to prove something to myself, and comparing myself to other people…i was always setting myself up with relationships that i knew in my heart wouldn’t work, but the sex was good so so what?

i dealt with death, on my own. i dealt with cancer, on my own. i’ve dealt with divorce, twice, on my own. and every little obstacle that has come up in my life, i’ve knocked the bastid down…on my own.

so really, i need to stand up straight, brush off the shoulders, and just be the man i know i am. not the man who is better than my father. not the man who is better than my kid’s real father. not the man who is better than the last boyfriend/husband. i am me.

corny shit for a blog, huh?





how to start a fabulous weekend…

20 08 2010

step 1: invite the kids over for lunch because you won’t see them on the weekend.

step 2: while they are waiting for their lunch trip over a bowl of cat food and water.

step 3: accidentally step on one of the kittens. make sure you maim it and not kill it instantly. the more it shakes around and bleeds the better for your children.

step 4: rush the dying kitten outside so the kids don’t have to witness all of it.

step 5: put the kitten out of it’s misery with your barehands.

step 6: comfort children, bury cat, look up a good therapist, prepare for insuing argument with ex and  skip lunch.

that’s how i’m starting my weekend. :(





women…..

19 08 2010

yeah…i really don’t get you at all…





an open letter to AXE….

19 08 2010

dear AXE,

i writing you for a few reasons…one of them being i wanted to tell you how outraged i am that you have turned the entire nation of fellow males into metrosexuals.

we used to have only a few “products” available to us: deoderant, aftershave, shaving cream, and V05. now, we have hair gel, hair paste, bath salts, face conditioner, shower gel, skin cream, body spray, and some kind of brillo pad to scrub out our pores????

all of this marketed as something we could use to attract the opposite sex. supposedly we spray this stuff on and boom, some woman is grinding on my leg or licking my ear. the problem is, it stinks! and women aren’t attracted to it, it repels them. the ones i meet anyways.

so yeah, i fell for the marketing ploy. all of them failed. perhaps i’m just so ugly that no amount of “product” is going to make me attractive to the opposite sex short from a mickey or a lot of vodka. i do still use your hair paste….it’s the only thing out there that doesn’t vamoose when the humidity hits…but the stuff smells horrible.

oh, btw, i tried the chocolate spray stuff too…the only thing that attracted was bees. bees and more bees. now i have welts all over my body…and a few phone numbers from the queens.





bjbucket list…ver. 1.1.78…

17 08 2010

1. meet robert de niro…tried last time i was in NYC…he wasn’t at his restaurant!!

2. skydive…i bungee jumped to get over my fear of heights…didn’t work…maybe freefalling from a plane?

3. reunite all my foster siblings from 1979 to present…okay, maybe not the ones i want to kill.

4. build a cottage on my land in New Zealand…the land is all surveyed and their is plenty of lumber.

5. find that one woman who will love me just as much as i love her…yeah, i know it ain’t gonna happen, but this is my bucket list.

6. drink 27 mai tai’s in one sitting…c’mon, jim morrison did it…

7. have a guiness in an irish pub and recite poetry from a bar stool…if i’m lucky i’ll piss someone off and set off a good fight

8. follow the sun around the world…i needed something more farfetched than the love thing…that wasn’t easy…

9. apologize to every person i’ve hurt intentionally…hope i got that kind of time…

10. spend an entire week with my brother, sisters, and their families all under one roof…we did it once, we can do it again…

….to be continued








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